To Plus-One or Not to Plus-One: The Rules
As one of the last few “single” ladies in my friend group, I am familiar with wondering whether or not I will receive a “plus one” with my wedding invitation. As your friend (and I’m counting myself as your friend if you’re reading this), I feel I’m in the right position to walk you through the rules of “and guesting” your guest list. Sometimes it’s totally fine to ask someone to fly solo on your big day! Other times, it’s better to add a name than to offend a friend. You’re curating a guest list of people you want to share one of the biggest days of your life. Whether that’s 20 or 200 people, the most important thing is that everyone feels like a part of the celebration. Here are the ins and outs of plus-ones:
The Unofficial Rules from an Experienced Wedding Guest:
You should include a plus-one when…
Asking a guest to travel
Etiquette would require you to include a “plus-one” when asking a guest to travel for your wedding. Traditionally, it was to avoid the safety risks of asking a lady to travel alone. I know we girls can handle ourselves, but it’s still much more enjoyable to travel with a companion, whether that companion is a date or a mutual friend.
Think about it this way, if you’re asking this guest to invest in transportation and lodging (and then some) to attend your special day, you should probably be willing to invest in another seat at the reception.
The guest is married
If the guest is married, they’re now a package deal. You shouldn’t invite a bride without her groom (or vice versa) to a wedding celebration. Address the invitation to both names.
The guest is in a long-term relationship
If the guest might as well be married, they’re also a package deal. If the couple has been consistently dating for several years or is in a serious relationship, you should include both names on the wedding invitation. Even if you’ve never met!
The guest will be the only single person
This typically applies to smaller weddings, but it’s good to keep in mind. Before inviting a guest on his/her own, consider whether there will be other single people for them to dance with, talk to, or meet at the reception. Before extending a solo invitation, think about the environment you’re setting for your guest. As the host, it’s your role to set a tone that makes everyone feel welcome and included!
Personal note: I’ve been in this situation as the only adult guest without a date, and it wasn’t easy! A wedding can be a lonely place if you’re dancing alone all night. (Thank you to all my couple friends who allowed me to “third-wheel” for a while!)
A Plus-One is Optional when:
There will be plenty of singles in attendance
If your single friend is going to be in a sea of mutual single friends, feel free to leave off the “plus-one.” A wedding is a great place to meet people! And who better to vouch for her new prospects than you?
Budget is tight
When budget is tight – or space in the venue is limited – giving everyone a “plus one” can be extra difficult. A great rule of thumb is to invite groups of people who already know each other – and have conversations before you mail the invitation around why they might not receive a guest and how you’ve made sure they will be comfortable at the wedding. Managing expectations in advance will help them understand the situation and how much you care about them having a good time too!
The guest is under 18
Good news! You never have to “plus-one” the children at your wedding. Assuming you’ve invited their parents or corresponding adults, you can include their names on their parents’ invitation.