Why Choosing a Man of Honor Is Actually The Coolest Thing EVER
All your life, you may have had a certain vision for your bridal party. Maybe you imagined months of planning and parties with your best girls: a bridal shower with a flower crown-making session, too many cake tastings, and a chic bachelorette getaway. But what if your closest friend—the one you always turn to for counsel and support-- is a guy? By all means, choose a Man of Honor! With your best guy at your side, you may want to do a few things differently, so read on for our ideas! Just don’t blame us if, after reading this, you find yourself splurging on a seriously great ‘Will You Be My Man of Honor’ gift…
Photography: Kate Preftakes Photography
Lucas and Haley. Phoebe and Joey. Dawson and Joey. We all love an iconic male-female friendship. If you share a similar friendship, then you know that the bond you have with your guy friend is so special. Maybe you and your brother are incredibly close; maybe your closest confidant just happens to be a guy. Regardless, your bridal party should be filled with the friends who deeply and unreservedly love and support you. If you can’t envision your wedding day without your best guy—if everything would feel incomplete without having him there to experience it alongside you—then choosing a Man of Honor is a must.
Reasons Why Choosing a Man of Honor Is Awesome
1. Our guy friends mean so much to us
Lucas and Haley. Phoebe and Joey. Dawson and Joey. We all love an iconic male-female friendship. If you share a similar friendship, then you know that the bond you have with your guy friend is so special. Maybe you and your brother are incredibly close; maybe your closest confidant just happens to be a guy. Regardless, your bridal party should be filled with the friends who deeply and unreservedly love and support you. If you can’t envision your wedding day without your best guy—if everything would feel incomplete without having him there to experience it alongside you—then choosing a Man of Honor is a must.
Photography: Jose Villa
If you’ve ever been a bridesmaid, then you know how liberating it is when the bride tells you to pick out the gown of your choice. The relief is overwhelming; you can wear something that you can move and breathe and feel utterly yourself in. And, when the mismatched dress motif is done well, it’s so good. The dresses feel like they belong but don’t feel too expected; the look is eclectic but cohesive, like dresses in a runway show collection.
If we no longer expect every bridesmaid to look her best in the same style of dress, then maybe we should take an equally relaxed approach to the bridal party. Male or female, friend or family—the people you love are all different, and each person brings something so special to your life. Choosing a Man of Honor isn’t about being different for the sake of being different. It’s about looking at your life and seeing who is truly there-- seeing whose friendship has informed your growth and your path.
2. Unconventional can be beautiful
If you’ve ever been a bridesmaid, then you know how liberating it is when the bride tells you to pick out the gown of your choice. The relief is overwhelming; you can wear something that you can move and breathe and feel utterly yourself in. And, when the mismatched dress motif is done well, it’s so good. The dresses feel like they belong but don’t feel too expected; the look is eclectic but cohesive, like dresses in a runway show collection.
If we no longer expect every bridesmaid to look her best in the same style of dress, then maybe we should take an equally relaxed approach to the bridal party. Male or female, friend or family—the people you love are all different, and each person brings something so special to your life. Choosing a Man of Honor isn’t about being different for the sake of being different. It’s about looking at your life and seeing who is truly there-- seeing whose friendship has informed your growth and your path.
Photography: Lacie Hansen
On a lighter note, men’s fashion these days—it’s something else. After spending months swimming in silk and tulle, shopping for the perfect menswear looks can feel like a great palette cleanser. It’s so much fun to make a suit more dapper with a pocket square or floral-printed tie. A boutonnière—made, of course, with elements from the bride’s bouquet—feels so gallant. And shopping for a classic tux and bowtie, nothing could be more timeless.
We love the beautiful, feminine aspects of wedding planning—finding the perfect dress, curating the details and décor. But sometimes, you can get a little fatigued by all the pretty. A day spent around Italian leather and cufflinks and musky cologne just may be the cure. Men’s fashion is getting chicer all the time, and you’ll love coordinating your Man of Honor’s wedding day look.
3. Men’s fashion is so cool
On a lighter note, men’s fashion these days—it’s something else. After spending months swimming in silk and tulle, shopping for the perfect menswear looks can feel like a great palette cleanser. It’s so much fun to make a suit more dapper with a pocket square or floral-printed tie. A boutonnière—made, of course, with elements from the bride’s bouquet—feels so gallant. And shopping for a classic tux and bowtie, nothing could be more timeless.
We love the beautiful, feminine aspects of wedding planning—finding the perfect dress, curating the details and décor. But sometimes, you can get a little fatigued by all the pretty. A day spent around Italian leather and cufflinks and musky cologne just may be the cure. Men’s fashion is getting chicer all the time, and you’ll love coordinating your Man of Honor’s wedding day look.
Photography: Charla Storey Photography
The two of you know your friendship better than anyone, and you probably innately know whether your Man of Honor wants to accompany you to the bridal salon. Is he the person you turn to when you need interior design inspo or help in an outfit crisis? Then he’s definitely going to flourish at the dress try-ons. Is he disinterested in anything remotely aesthetic? Consider planning a special outing that you’ll both enjoy instead.
Things to Do Differently
1. Finding that perfect dress…
The two of you know your friendship better than anyone, and you probably innately know whether your Man of Honor wants to accompany you to the bridal salon. Is he the person you turn to when you need interior design inspo or help in an outfit crisis? Then he’s definitely going to flourish at the dress try-ons. Is he disinterested in anything remotely aesthetic? Consider planning a special outing that you’ll both enjoy instead.
Photography: Mallory Dawn
It’s traditional for your Maid of Honor to accompany you to any and all planning meetings: trips to the florist’s studio, walkthroughs with the wedding planner, meetings with the photographer. You may have always pictured your Man of Honor in this role; maybe he has such discerning taste, that you couldn’t imagine planning a wedding without him. But if you’re unsure, a simple conversation is always the best approach. Hopefully, the two of you are close enough that you can be real while still being respectful and mindful of one another’s feelings. Ask him if he’s truly interested in helping with these planning details. And be honest, also, if you have reservations—if, for instance, you trust your mom’s taste more. If he’s not interested in fulfilling this particular role, then reassure him that he can help you in other, equally necessary ways. Reaffirm how grateful you are for his presence in your life and your planning process.
2. Planning meetings
It’s traditional for your Maid of Honor to accompany you to any and all planning meetings: trips to the florist’s studio, walkthroughs with the wedding planner, meetings with the photographer. You may have always pictured your Man of Honor in this role; maybe he has such discerning taste, that you couldn’t imagine planning a wedding without him. But if you’re unsure, a simple conversation is always the best approach. Hopefully, the two of you are close enough that you can be real while still being respectful and mindful of one another’s feelings. Ask him if he’s truly interested in helping with these planning details. And be honest, also, if you have reservations—if, for instance, you trust your mom’s taste more. If he’s not interested in fulfilling this particular role, then reassure him that he can help you in other, equally necessary ways. Reaffirm how grateful you are for his presence in your life and your planning process.
Photography: Jose Villa Photography
We hate to make generalizations about guys (or anyone, for that matter), but we are fairly confident that your Man of Honor will be more than willing to attend meal and cake tastings. Maybe he’s carb-averse and this is totally not the case—if so, no worries! As always, consider your MOH’s unique strengths. If he’s a wonderful chef and foodie, then you know he’ll be in his element here. If he doesn’t know the difference between microgreens and mac ‘n cheese, then send him joyfully on his way with a seating chart.
3. Cake & catering tastings
We hate to make generalizations about guys (or anyone, for that matter), but we are fairly confident that your Man of Honor will be more than willing to attend meal and cake tastings. Maybe he’s carb-averse and this is totally not the case—if so, no worries! As always, consider your MOH’s unique strengths. If he’s a wonderful chef and foodie, then you know he’ll be in his element here. If he doesn’t know the difference between microgreens and mac ‘n cheese, then send him joyfully on his way with a seating chart.
Photography: Ryann Lindsey Photography
Of all the things you’ll want to do differently with a Man of Honor, bridal showers are likely at the top of the list. Maybe, for your bridal shower, you’ve planned the most feminine of gatherings: a garden party, or a high tea. Can you picture your Man of Honor in this context? If so, great! But if not… what do you do?
First and foremost, always invite your Man of Honor. The last thing you want is to assume that he doesn’t want to participate... only to leave him reliving the event on Instagram. We know it’s never your intention, but if you make the decision for him, it will only make things uncomfortable. Always graciously extend an invitation, and be understanding when it comes to his response. Maybe the two of you can have a little laugh about it all if he tells you that he loves you, but the bridal shower just isn’t exactly his scene.
If the idea appeals to you, then you could consider hosting a bit of a guy-friendly party. As always, it’s most important that you make decisions that feel organic and right for you. We would never suggest that you compromise or silence your own desires in order to make your Man of Honor feel more comfortable. If you’ve always longed for a traditional, feminine bridal shower, then by all means, give yourself that experience! But if you love the idea of hosting a party that your Man of Honor can freely attend, then understand that there are so many beautiful and creative options. For winter, you could plan a lodge gathering with a Ralph Lauren vibe—black watch plaid, mugs of cider, and lots of evergreen. And for spring or summer, you could host a dinner en blanc. The point is that, if you want to plan a guy-friendly event, there’s no need to break out the flannels and, you know, go camping. You can easily pull off a party that has your signature style and grace-- and feels totally Man of Honor-friendly at the same time.
4. Bridal showers
Of all the things you’ll want to do differently with a Man of Honor, bridal showers are likely at the top of the list. Maybe, for your bridal shower, you’ve planned the most feminine of gatherings: a garden party, or a high tea. Can you picture your Man of Honor in this context? If so, great! But if not… what do you do?
First and foremost, always invite your Man of Honor. The last thing you want is to assume that he doesn’t want to participate... only to leave him reliving the event on Instagram. We know it’s never your intention, but if you make the decision for him, it will only make things uncomfortable. Always graciously extend an invitation, and be understanding when it comes to his response. Maybe the two of you can have a little laugh about it all if he tells you that he loves you, but the bridal shower just isn’t exactly his scene.
If the idea appeals to you, then you could consider hosting a bit of a guy-friendly party. As always, it’s most important that you make decisions that feel organic and right for you. We would never suggest that you compromise or silence your own desires in order to make your Man of Honor feel more comfortable. If you’ve always longed for a traditional, feminine bridal shower, then by all means, give yourself that experience! But if you love the idea of hosting a party that your Man of Honor can freely attend, then understand that there are so many beautiful and creative options. For winter, you could plan a lodge gathering with a Ralph Lauren vibe—black watch plaid, mugs of cider, and lots of evergreen. And for spring or summer, you could host a dinner en blanc. The point is that, if you want to plan a guy-friendly event, there’s no need to break out the flannels and, you know, go camping. You can easily pull off a party that has your signature style and grace-- and feels totally Man of Honor-friendly at the same time.
Photography: Larissa Cleveland Photography
Bachelorette trips will also take on a new look when you have a Man of Honor. As with the bridal shower, we always suggest inviting your Man of Honor, even if you don’t think he’ll want to attend. That being said, we think a bachelorette party with a Man of Honor sounds all the more fun! It’s a wonderful idea to plan a trip and activities that take him into consideration—and the options are endless. You could jaunt off to a ski resort and spend a weekend on the slopes; if you and your girls want to take advantage of the spa one day, he can totally get after those snowshoeing trails (or join you for facials!). We say embrace your Man of Honor, and all the fun he can add to this getaway. If he has a sense of humor or irony, then he’ll enjoy being the lone guy in the group and fit right into the fold. If he’s not comfortable mixing with the girls all weekend, then let him express that-- just be sure to first give him the option.
5. Bachelorette getaways
Bachelorette trips will also take on a new look when you have a Man of Honor. As with the bridal shower, we always suggest inviting your Man of Honor, even if you don’t think he’ll want to attend. That being said, we think a bachelorette party with a Man of Honor sounds all the more fun! It’s a wonderful idea to plan a trip and activities that take him into consideration—and the options are endless. You could jaunt off to a ski resort and spend a weekend on the slopes; if you and your girls want to take advantage of the spa one day, he can totally get after those snowshoeing trails (or join you for facials!). We say embrace your Man of Honor, and all the fun he can add to this getaway. If he has a sense of humor or irony, then he’ll enjoy being the lone guy in the group and fit right into the fold. If he’s not comfortable mixing with the girls all weekend, then let him express that-- just be sure to first give him the option.
Photography: Larissa Cleveland Photography
Do we have any Gilmore Girls fans in the house? If that’s you, then you’ll definitely remember the moment when Luke gives Lorelai a special wedding chuppah—a gift he’d spent months building in secret. (Sure, Luke was in love with Lorelai, but let’s forget that for the moment.), While the wedding was called off, the chuppah remained; a beautiful wooden confection that Lorelai just kind of left on her front lawn and made into a garden feature. We’ve hardly ever seen a sweeter gesture of friendship-- and it struck a chord because it felt distinctly like something one of our guy friends would do. While they may not always say or do the ‘perfect’ things, the men in our lives can surprise us and render us speechless over their thoughtful gestures.
As you plan your wedding, consider planning a project specifically for your Man of Honor: something that calls on all of his strengths and makes him feel useful and needed. He could build that ceremony arch or chuppah, or even a chandelier that you can use as a base for a hanging floral installation. Or, he could take care of the bar and design a signature cocktail. Maybe he wants to help with the heavy lifting of setup, or—especially if you were the kind of friends who exchanged mix tapes—he could design the ultimate reception playlist. Whatever it is, pick something that plays to his strengths, and let him know how very much it means to you.
6. Design a project specifically for him
Do we have any Gilmore Girls fans in the house? If that’s you, then you’ll definitely remember the moment when Luke gives Lorelai a special wedding chuppah—a gift he’d spent months building in secret. (Sure, Luke was in love with Lorelai, but let’s forget that for the moment.), While the wedding was called off, the chuppah remained; a beautiful wooden confection that Lorelai just kind of left on her front lawn and made into a garden feature. We’ve hardly ever seen a sweeter gesture of friendship-- and it struck a chord because it felt distinctly like something one of our guy friends would do. While they may not always say or do the ‘perfect’ things, the men in our lives can surprise us and render us speechless over their thoughtful gestures.
As you plan your wedding, consider planning a project specifically for your Man of Honor: something that calls on all of his strengths and makes him feel useful and needed. He could build that ceremony arch or chuppah, or even a chandelier that you can use as a base for a hanging floral installation. Or, he could take care of the bar and design a signature cocktail. Maybe he wants to help with the heavy lifting of setup, or—especially if you were the kind of friends who exchanged mix tapes—he could design the ultimate reception playlist. Whatever it is, pick something that plays to his strengths, and let him know how very much it means to you.
Photography: Lauren Fair Photography
This is another one of those potentially touchy subjects. Do you invite him to hang out in the bridal suite? Or do you have him join the groomsmen instead? What if he doesn’t know anyone on the groom’s side, and you don’t want to subject him to a potentially awkward situation? You want your Man of Honor to experience as much of the wedding day as possible-- it’s the reason you chose a Man of Honor in the first place-- so you’ll want to be sensitive and gracious where wedding day preparations are concerned.
It’s very likely that your Man of Honor will take the initiative here, and choose to get ready on his own, joining you later for pictures. If that’s not the case, then bring up the subject well in advance. It’s ok to simply ask him what makes him most comfortable and plan accordingly. Just consider other ways to make him feel included, and to ensure that he isn’t having a totally separate experience. For example, if he wants to get ready on his own, we think it’s super sweet to plan a bridal party brunch for earlier in the day. Be sure to insist that he join you for pre-wedding photos and special moments like group prayers. There are so many ways to carve out quality time and find little ways that make everyone in your bridal party feel loved and included!
7. Getting ready
This is another one of those potentially touchy subjects. Do you invite him to hang out in the bridal suite? Or do you have him join the groomsmen instead? What if he doesn’t know anyone on the groom’s side, and you don’t want to subject him to a potentially awkward situation? You want your Man of Honor to experience as much of the wedding day as possible-- it’s the reason you chose a Man of Honor in the first place-- so you’ll want to be sensitive and gracious where wedding day preparations are concerned.
It’s very likely that your Man of Honor will take the initiative here, and choose to get ready on his own, joining you later for pictures. If that’s not the case, then bring up the subject well in advance. It’s ok to simply ask him what makes him most comfortable and plan accordingly. Just consider other ways to make him feel included, and to ensure that he isn’t having a totally separate experience. For example, if he wants to get ready on his own, we think it’s super sweet to plan a bridal party brunch for earlier in the day. Be sure to insist that he join you for pre-wedding photos and special moments like group prayers. There are so many ways to carve out quality time and find little ways that make everyone in your bridal party feel loved and included!
Photography: Charla Storey Photography
Having a Man of Honor may require you to be a little creative when it comes to designing your ceremony processional. It makes linking up bridesmaids and groomsmen a little trickier—and you may not want to send your MOH down the aisle alone. In this instance, we think it’s easier to send everyone down the aisle to walk, runway style, on their own. Designing your processional this way may make the run time a bit longer—but that means you get to include another one of your favorite songs, right?
8. The ceremony
Having a Man of Honor may require you to be a little creative when it comes to designing your ceremony processional. It makes linking up bridesmaids and groomsmen a little trickier—and you may not want to send your MOH down the aisle alone. In this instance, we think it’s easier to send everyone down the aisle to walk, runway style, on their own. Designing your processional this way may make the run time a bit longer—but that means you get to include another one of your favorite songs, right?
Photography: Ryan Ray Photography
There’s nothing quite like finding the perfect, personalized gift—one that feels tailor-made for your friend. We love the idea of asking him to be your Man of Honor via airmail. Consider sending him a leather-bound flask (we love the ultra-cool designs by Jacob Bromwell) or a handsome pair of cufflinks. Wrap your gift in guy-friendly paper—black or plaid, with a bit of black velvet ribbon, and a sprig of cedar or eucalyptus. Include a short but sweet note culminating in the question, Will You Be My Man of Honor? It will set the tone for a beautiful planning process with your best friend at your side.
9. Bonus Points: ‘Will You Be My Man of Honor?’
There’s nothing quite like finding the perfect, personalized gift—one that feels tailor-made for your friend. We love the idea of asking him to be your Man of Honor via airmail. Consider sending him a leather-bound flask (we love the ultra-cool designs by Jacob Bromwell) or a handsome pair of cufflinks. Wrap your gift in guy-friendly paper—black or plaid, with a bit of black velvet ribbon, and a sprig of cedar or eucalyptus. Include a short but sweet note culminating in the question, Will You Be My Man of Honor? It will set the tone for a beautiful planning process with your best friend at your side.
Photography: Oliver Fly Photography
