For some people, selecting your maid of honor is a no-brainer, but for some of us, it can feel like walking through a field of landmines! On one hand, you don’t want to pressure anyone into a role that they don’t want or can’t handle, on the other hand, you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings by not asking them.
First, consider your closest relationships–these can be siblings, childhood best friends, or current friends. Write out the names. Who is your confidant? Who knows how to cheer you up when you’re down or what treats to bring you when you’re not feeling well? Who is the person who can read your thoughts from across the room without either of you even uttering a word? If you can answer these questions, that’s your MOH!
The problem is, by the time you get married, most of us have moved several times and have a few different friends who are MOH material. There’s your elementary school best friend, your high school best friend, your college best friend, your first job best friend, and of course, your right now best friend…and each one is just as important to you as the last. We know it can be overwhelming, but, trust us, it’s a good problem to have!
PHOTOGRAPHER | Melissa Gayle
Before we dive into who to pick, let’s cover the duties that the Maid of Honor is responsible for carrying out. Your MOH is traditionally responsible for planning your bridal shower and bachelorette parties. She can also help coordinate with the other bridesmaids to make sure they all know which dress and accessories to purchase and ensure that all of that is done on time. In order to be able to execute these tasks, your MOH should be over 21 (to book hotels, get into clubs, etc.), be organized, and friendly as she will be the lynchpin holding your bridal party together.
Besides a heartfelt speech the day-of and the duties listed above, there is nothing else that should be expected from your MOH. That being said a lot of MOH’s go above and beyond–like helping with DIY projects, gown shopping, etc…but that should be done at their discretion and is not a guarantee.
In addition to being a huge time commitment, being a MOH is a huge financial commitment as well…flights, hotel rooms, parties. If you have someone in mind but you think that they might not be able to fulfill the duties given their work schedule or financial situation, have a candid conversation with them. If they decide that they won’t be able to attend/host all of the wedding-related parties, ask them to be a bridesmaid instead. This way, they can still be part of your wedding party and you’ll have peace of mind knowing that you communicated how much they mean to you.
PHOTOGRAPHY | Stephanie Brazzle Photography
Now that you know what it means to ask someone to be your MOH, let’s break it down into more manageable pieces.
Sister
The first logical choice is a sister, no one can be mad at you for choosing a family member–except that is, another family member. If you have multiple sisters, and you are all close, we suggest talking about the decision freely. If one sister is married, you can ask them to be your Matron of Honor (we seriously need to come up with a better term for that!) and your unmarried sister can be your Maid of Honor–this way no one is offended and everyone is honored in their own way. If all of your sisters share the same marital status, or you have more than two, consider making a deal with them that outlines which of you will serve as each one’s MOH, when the time comes, making sure everyone gets a turn. Also keep in mind, if you and your sisters do not get along–move on to the next option. Your MOH is someone that is there to support you through the wedding planning process, not bring you down. Make sure you’re surrounding yourself with good energy!
PHOTOGRAPHY | Carmen Santorelli Photography
Your BFF
A BFF is your Best Friend Forever, that friend you grew up with that no matter how long it’s been since you’ve seen each other, it’s like no time has passed. They’ve seen you through your ups and downs, and most importantly, they are easily identified by all of your other friends as your one and only BFF. Not everyone has a friend like this, but if you are one of the lucky ones, your BFF is the next logical choice for your MOH. You may have good friends that you hang out with more currently, but they will understand you asking your BFF to be your MOH.
PHOTOGRAPHY | Sposto Photography
A Close Friend
If sisters are out of the question, and you don’t have a designated BFF, then look at your current group of close friends. Are you thinking of asking all of them to be bridesmaids or just a handful? Of the ones that you are asking to be in your wedding party, is there one person that you are closest with? If not, is there one of your friends that enjoys planning parties and is super organized–then that’s your girl!
PHOTOGRAPHY | Sposto Photography
When we break it down into three manageable choices it seems so easy, but we know this decision can be tough! We already discussed the Matron of Honor loophole above, which can be used for any married MOH candidate, not just a family member. If that loophole doesn’t apply and you are between two people, consider asking them to be Co Maid of Honors. Not only will this prevent unnecessary hurt feelings, but it will lighten the load for your friends both in time and money as they can split the responsibilities.
PHOTOGRAPHER | This Modern Romance
Hopefully, this breakdown has helped make your decision a little easier, now go forth and pop the question!