I’ve been a wedding photographer in San Diego for about 6 years and have truly come to love first looks. If you’re unfamiliar with the term, a first look is the moment the couple sees each other before the wedding ceremony. In some cultures, such as Judiasm, the couple always sees each other before the ceremony to take part in significant cultural moments (i.e. the Ketubah signing). In other cultures, this concept seems so foreign.
Before I jump into the pros and cons of a first look, I’d love to share the history of why couples originally didn’t see each other before the ceremony. Truth be told, it’s not at all romantic. You see, in the days where arranged marriages were the norm, the parents of the bride and groom wanted to ensure the marriage would follow through. In case the groom wouldn’t find the bride attractive and thus back out of the wedding, the families didn’t allow the couple to see each other until it was “too late” (aka at the front of the aisle). Not so sweet, right? Read on for the pros and cons so you can decide what’s best for the two of you.
You can actually attend your cocktail hour. Many couples these days value spending time with their guests and cocktail hour is the easiest time to do so. If you do a first look, you can schedule all or nearly all of your couple, bridal party, and family portraits to take place prior to the ceremony. That way, you’ll be able to attend all or nearly all of cocktail hour! Additionally, couples tell me all the time how much this lessens their stress having the photos completed and “out of the way” before the ceremony.
If your ceremony runs late, you don’t have to worry about missing out on portrait time. Sometimes you just have a verbose officiant or the ceremony itself starts late for a number of reasons. When that happens, most venues and planners want to stick to the original reception start time in order to ensure the food is fresh. Because of this, your cocktail hour becomes shorter and you lose out on portrait time. You won’t have to sweat this if you’ve already completed your portraits!
You’ll have much more time for couple’s portraits. Without a first look, you only have the end of cocktail hour to take portraits since bridal party and family portraits must also be fit into that hour. That usually leaves less than 30 minutes for photos of the two of you, especially if you have a large family or bridal party. With a first look and proper planning, you’ll have at least 45 minutes for just the two of you meaning there’s more time to get comfortable in front of the camera and have more variety in backdrops, posing, and lighting in the photos.
Your hair and makeup are fresher for photos earlier in the day. Especially if you’ll be crying during your ceremony, you won’t look quite as fresh as you did immediately after having your hair and makeup completed.
The two of you will see each other privately without all of your guests staring at you down the aisle. So many of my couples, especially those who were initially on the fence about a first look, often remark that the first look was their favorite moment of the wedding day. By being able to have a few peaceful and private minutes alone, it greatly lessens their nerves and allows them to experience their emotions without a large audience.
You can enjoy your ceremony emotions without going straight to posing for the camera. If you choose to do a first look, you’ll be able to ride the high of your ceremony emotions throughout cocktail hour. Going straight from the aisle to posing for formal portraits will absolutely dampen those vibes, so it’s great to be able to fully enjoy them with your spouse and friends instead.
You’ll have to start your wedding day hair and makeup early. Because you’re arranging for about one to two hours of portraits before the ceremony, you’ll need to begin everyone’s hair and makeup a few hours earlier in the day. This might be tough if you already have an early ceremony and potentially have to start your day at 6am.
A first look is not “traditional” and some couples truly love tradition (even if the tradition has an unfavorable origin). If breaking tradition in order to have more portraits, attend cocktail hour, etc. doesn’t feel right to you then don’t do the first look!
Some couples fear that a first look might possibly lessen their emotions on the aisle. They believe that since they’ll have already seen each other, that the aisle walk will be less emotionally impactful. Although my first look couples still exhibit plenty of emotion on the aisle, this is something to consider for yourselves.
While I fully believe that first looks are seriously so amazing for couples’ portraits, stress levels, and the timeline, I never push anyone outside of their comfort zone for their final decision. You’ll have to decide what’s right for the two of you with the educational information I’ve written and what you learn from your own photographer.
If you’re on the fence, think about what you value more about the wedding day. Is tradition more important than spending more time with guests or having significantly more time for portraits? Skip the first look! Or perhaps portraits are the most valuable thing to you and you decide to see each other before the ceremony. Do what feels right to you and you’ll be happy with your decision!