While it’s most common for the bride to handle the bulk of wedding planning, grooms should certainly join the process and contribute to the wedding day. Not only does this make it more fair for the bride, it also ensures the groom is invested in the aesthetic and logistics of the day. Whether your groom is excited or not at all for wedding planning, here are 8 tips for your groom to survive wedding planning.
At the beginning of the wedding planning process, ask your groom what he cares about and when it comes to the wedding day. His answers will help you determine which tasks he’ll enjoy taking on throughout planning.
Kaella of Kaella Lynn Events says, “As a planner, I always review my clients priorities early on so I can cater the planning to them. It goes the same for you as a couple. Determine what is important to each of you, and take note of what is important to him, that might not be your priority. Those are the things he is excited about so get him involved. Also I always remind myself, that the engagement and wedding planning process should be fun. It’s important to remember that the process is as special as the big day. It’s easy to get stressed and lost in the planning, but try not to lose sight of that. The more you to enjoy this time together the more you will not only survive and have fun!”
Remember that the wedding day belongs to both of you, so each of your values should be represented not only in the wedding plans, but also in the budget. “Have an honest discussion about wedding budget before you begin your planning. There is nothing worse than falling in love with a fabulous vendor or venue, only to realize they are out of your budget. Coming to an agreement on budget ahead of time will save everyone involved a lot of heartache.” says Kate Siegel of Kate Siegel Fine Events.
Does your groom get things done on his own without you reminding him? Lucky you! If that’s not the case, understand how your groom works best. Should you make a to-do list so he can enjoy crossing off tasks? Do it if that works! Would he work best with calendar alerts or another method? Try those! Find a solution for your groom that will ensure he accomplishes planning tasks without feeling pressured or frustrated. Everybody has different preferences when it comes to logistical planning, so it’s best to find planning methods that work best for your groom and you!
The fabulous planners behind Amorology recommend not pushing your groom into planning around the clock. They suggest to the groom, “Pace yourself! Only feel you need to be involved in the things that are very important to you or of course that your bride to be wants your support in! We have found it is always a fun idea to set aside one night a week for wedding planning with your bride! Go to your favorite restaurant, or cook dinner at home while discussing the details and making decisions in a low-pressure way that doesn’t overtake your engagement!” Combining planning with a fun or casual activity is a surefire way to make it feel manageable for grooms who might not be used to working on wedding tasks as frequently as the bride.
Hands-down, every time I ask my grooms what their favorite part of planning was, they tell me it was the catering, cocktail, and cake tastings. Honestly, that was totally my favorite part too! Make sure your groom is able to attend anything tasting-related not only because it’s delicious and fun, but also because his input will be helpful when selecting final menus.
Whether the meeting is about chairs, flowers, or planning logistics, it’s not uncommon for it to last much longer than you anticipate. Jeannie Savage of Details Details recommends, “I think it’s important for grooms to never enter any meeting on an empty stomach. Sometimes meetings are longer than an hour and it’s hard to anticipate a definite end time. So it’s also important for the bride to anticipate this too, make sure you are not hungry!”
When it comes to interacting with vendors, grooms should not be shy about communicating with your wedding planner. Heather Hoesch of LVL Events advises, “Be sure you talk about the parts that matter to you, often times grooms speak up in the final hour when it is too late and that can cause conflict and stress right before the wedding.” Additionally, she encourages grooms by adding, “Don’t be afraid to ask your planner questions directly! So often grooms use the bride as the buffer and that can cause unnecessary stress.”
Remember not to lose yourselves in the planning process. Be sure to spend time together outside of wedding planning. Rachel Welland of Bliss Events adds, “Plan dates so you are sure take some breaks from wedding planning! Take the time to reconnect, relax, and catch up on other topics besides your wedding. Outdoor dates (e.g. hiking, picnics, outdoor activities/sports) can help you feel refreshed and clear your heads. Then you will be ready to tackle wedding planning again.”
Cavin Elizabeth is a wedding film photographer based in San Diego, California. Her wedding work has taken her all over the United States and abroad. In addition to being a photographer, Cavin is an educator and an avid blogger of wedding planning tips for brides and grooms. She authored the book A Bride’s Guide to a Picture Perfect Wedding, which teaches couples how to make wedding plans that are best for photography.
