Confession time. We have met so many women who haven’t loved their engagement rings and ended up either exchanging it or simply pretending that it was what they had always wanted for fear of hurting their soon-to-be. Enter: The Engagement Ring Discussion.
Having the discussion ahead of time is basically your own little insurance policy that you will get pretty darned close to the ring you’ve always dreamed of (or at the very least, a ring that you really like to look at every. single. day). Yes, a little less romantic than the idea of a rom-com worthy surprise but infinitely more practical and oftentimes, just as meaningful. Not convinced? Here, let us help. Read below our 5 tips on why you should have this conversation, and what types of things you should consider.
#1. Your Ring Stands the Test of Time
We all have that something in our home or closet that we purchased because we either saw someone else we admired with it or we wanted to fit within a trend, and we then realized after bringing it home that it really just isn’t a true extension of ourselves.
Think of this purchase as a metaphorical lesson for your wedding rings. Your ring will be with you through the ordinary and milestone moments of life…forever. You want to look down on your left hand in years to come and be proud of the life you have built in addition to being in love with the style as it is an outward symbol of your life.
So, have that initial ring discussion because your wedding rings will be your eternal symbol of love that you wear on the outside for all to see! If you aren’t totally sure where to start (or even if you are), grab your partner’s hand and head to the jeweler where you can take some of your favorite shapes and styles for a mini test drive. Make sure you are open and honest about what you love and what you don’t love. Together, find a ring that makes forever, look good.
#2. Determine the Right Level of Involvement
Think of it like this: you would never buy a home, car or anything else that costs a significant amount of money without researching it, talking about it, going through the ins and outs together. While tradition has always lent itself to the surprise of the engagement ring, there is by no means a single way to approach this purchase.
Assuming you’ve had the “let’s get married” chat already, discuss with your partner how you’d like to approach the engagement ring buying process. What kind of details and involvement does the proposer want? Do you go ring shopping together, or would the proposer rather be given some direction on the side? Do you go through finances together to determine an appropriate budget, or is that left up to the proposer? Is there a part of the diamond quality that you wouldn’t mind sacrificing to receive a certain carat weight? And so on.
No matter what level of involvement you have in the ring purchase, it is highly recommended that you familiarize yourself with the different aspects of the ring and ring buying process to know what information to consider. For starters, take a look through an engagement ring guide, consider creating and sharing a Pinterest board, surf through sites like Brilliant Earth (totally ethical sourcing), Ritani (incredible customization) or Single Stone (hello vintage and one of a kinds) to peruse ring styles and places to purchase.
#3. Your Other Half Gets You…but Can’t Read Your Mind
Your partner gets you, of course. But getting you doesn’t necessarily translate into knowing the type of ring that you’ll love. Getting you doesn’t inform the proposer of your dream diamond shape, or that you want a classic rather than glamorous ring, or that it is important that there is a touch of personalization on the ring. Which also means that maybe your other half doesn’t know that the metal choice is just as important as the style of your ring.
Of course, the shape and style of the engagement ring is important, but don’t forget to be clear on your metal choice when you have your engagement ring discussion. No other metal has the durability and strength that platinum has. If your dream ring is not platinum, the diamond should, at the very least, be set in a platinum crown. A platinum crown is important because it keeps the gemstones safe because unlike gold (white, yellow or rose), platinum prongs will stay securely against the stones where the jeweler placed them. Plus, a platinum crown will make the diamond sparkle far brighter than any alternative because platinum is a naturally white metal that doesn’t cast any color into the diamond or gemstone.
#4. Ease the Proposer’s Nerves
An engagement encompasses a variety of conflicting feelings from excitement to nervousness to anxiety. There will always be a natural level of the later two, but you as the ring recipient can help calm some of the nerves by having a ring conversation and sharing ahead of time that it is a purchase you’ll love. Make the proposer feel confident in his/her choice in ring by providing him/her with key features that are important to include or exclude in the ring. This conversation will give the proposer confidence, and will, in turn, allow him/her to focus on the joyous part of this occasion.
#5. The Engagement Ring is the Start to YOUR Story. Make it Yours.
Traditionally, it is understood that the boy buys the ring- he gets down on one knee and she says. “yes.” But, times are changing, and traditions are evolving. While the sentiment around engagements is still romantic and lovely, the process is not a one size fits all one. Maybe “she” wants to be the one to propose to “him”, or maybe there isn’t a “him” or “her” at all.
Your engagement ring doesn’t have to have a diamond; maybe it is just a simple platinum band with your birthstone faceted on top. There are no rules on how one must get engaged, but make sure you keep communication open and have that Engagement Ring Conversation so that you will wear your symbol of love with pride.