As the old saying goes, when you marry someone, you also marry their family. Royal bride-to-be Meghan Markle probably knows this better than perhaps anyone out there, and industry experts agree, she’s scoring wins across the board from her future in-laws.
“Meghan is immersing herself in all training procedures to become Royal,” says Amy Conrad, events and wedding expert. “She’s not assuming that an American-raised woman can become royalty overnight. She has dedicated herself to this man and his lifestyle by having their future wedding ceremony led by the Lord Chamberlain’s office. She also been baptized and confirmed before the Church of England.”
Displaying respect to one’s in-laws throughout the wedding planning process is key to sustaining and building a positive relationship says Amy. “Brides-to-be should avoid excluding in-laws during the planning process, and keep in mind that short-term appeasement can lead to a healthier relationship down the road.”
Here are cues the experts say you should take from her.
Accept your new family.
Your significant other is a product of people who raised him and who they grew up with. Welcome them for exactly who they are, says Gina Wade of Gina Wade Creative. “Do not put unreasonable expectations onto them or try to make them bend to your needs,” she adds. “Parents are who they are and they likely aren’t going to change. As the new bride, you should focus on all of the positives about your new family, and not waste time nit picking the negatives.”
Keep tradition alive.
Tradition is very important to some parents, especially when it comes to faith and religion says Jennifer Borgh of Jennifer Borgh Events. She recommends listening to both sets of parents identify the thing that matters most to them on the big day. “Remember that going against tradition can be devastating to some parents,” says Jennifer. “They truly believe you are destined to an unhappy marriage if you don’t follow certain traditions. Be open to listening to their concerns and desires.”
“What’s great about Meghan Markle is that she is effortlessly bringing in her modern approach, while still respecting her future in-law’s traditions and protocol,” says Paula Ramirez of Historic Mankin Mansion. “Yes, she wore a sheer top for engagement pictures, and trousers to a royal engagement, but based on what she wore to her first outing with the Queen, you can be sure she isn’t going to ruffle feathers when it comes to her wedding day fashion.
Often times, modern brides want to buck tradition, says Paula. But it’s important to be mindful of how their choices impact others and if there can be some sort of in between that satisfies all.
Have the money talk.
All the event experts agree: talking to your parents about what, if anything, they’re able to contribute to the cost of the wedding, will save major headaches down the road. If one set of parents is covering most or all of the costs of the wedding, they might feel like they have a larger say in the details. Iron this out in advance. Jennifer recommends meeting with each set of parents separately to have the discussion in order to avoid assumptions with the budget and their role in the planning.
Ashley Stork of Magnolia Vine Events says the process of listening and planning together for the future can lead to years of goodwill among these new familial relationships. “Approach it as something you want to work on together and as a way to spend time with one another. This will build your relationship while helping plan and execute.”
Set your in-laws up for success.
Get your in-laws involved in the process says Joan Wyndrum of Blooms by the Box. As a couple, you might decide on the big stuff like color scheme, but why not let your in-laws decide on the blooms by giving them your top three favorite picks? This is an ideal solution if you’re unsure or have a different style than your in-laws. “They’ll make an impactful decision and you’re guaranteed to like whatever they choose,” says Joan.
Style Me Pretty Contributor – Ximena N. Larkin is a writer and publicist. She lives in Chicago with her husband and dog.