The ancient practice of a dowry—the bride’s father giving the groom’s family money or goods in exchange for the bride’s hand in marriage—has mostly fallen by the wayside (minus some cultures). And today, there’s no norm when it comes to who pays for the wedding. Did you hear about the couple who asked guests to fork over $200 each to attend their UK wedding?
“These days, payment traditions have gone out the window,” says Barb Culbertson, Event Coordinator with the Lumber Exchange Event Center in Minneapolis. And with many couples taking on the costs of the wedding themselves, there’s truly no right or wrong way to host a wedding. In a nutshell, do what works for you!
Who actually pays for the wedding?
“Everything from one side of the family paying, to an even split down the middle between the families, to more couples footing the entire bill themselves,” Barb says. But just because a couple is taking on the financial cost, does not mean that they won’t have to listen to their families’ opinions. “I’ve had many couples ‘discuss’ options openly as a group, but oftentimes those ‘discussions’ end in frustration,” Barb says. “It’s important that the bride and groom communicate with their families about where they want input on wedding details, and where they don’t.”
Figure out what works for you!
After a couple gets engaged, sitting down and prioritizing aspects of the wedding is key to divvying up costs easily. “Every family and situation is different. It all depends on what is important to your families,” Barb says. “If one side really wants an open bar, they’ll typically pay for it. If the bride and groom have their hearts set on an extravagant feast, they’ll typically chip in or pay the tab entirely.” Getting everyone on the same page, and setting a realistic budget, will save couples from mountains of stress down the road.
How to save
“There are quite a few apps and websites out there that help brides and grooms ask for financial assistance,” Barb says. “The platform is there, but as a bride and groom, you have to feel comfortable asking your guests to help contribute.” Barb cautions that couples should put themselves in the shoes of guests when being asked to pay for their big day. “The bar tab can add up quickly, so if you are looking to save money at your wedding, hosting beer and wine only is a very common way to cut that bill down,” Barb suggests.
Politely Declining
On the flip side, being asked to help contribute to someone’s big day can set off a firestorm of opinions and questions. “If a couple asks you to help pay for their wedding and you are not comfortable with it, use your discretion on how to decline the invitation. Do what is comfortable for you.”
Style Me Pretty Contributor – Briana Charlotte is a freelance writer residing in Brooklyn, New York. When she isn’t writing about all things bridal, she can be found on the dance floor at a wedding or bachelorette party or finally learning how to dance for her own upcoming nuptials.