Our girl Kristin on Bridentity Crisis is sharing some incredible advice on a topic us newlywed gals know all too well: How to Deal with Your Soon to be Mother-In-Law. Read on for some helpful advice that is sure to guide you seamlessly as you transition from Miss to Mrs. Take it away Kristin!
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From Kristin Joy… Let’s face it: being the mother of the groom is sort of a bum role. After all, it’s a huge moment in her life, likely one she’s been thinking about since your fiancé was still just her little boy. Yet traditionally speaking, there’s really not that much for her to do. Most of the fun parts of planning—like dress shopping, cake tasting, and bridal showers—fall to the bride and her side of the family, leaving the poor mother-in-law without an official duty other than to show up and smile on the day of. And sometimes, this lack of a clear purpose can lead an otherwise well-intentioned MIL to volunteer her opinions, thoughts, and ideas in ways that aren’t actually helpful. So, to ease your transition with your future in-law from friendly to family, here are 5 tips on how to get through the planning process together and with as little stress as possible.
Even if your planner is on it and you’ve got a team of awesome vendors, there are still so many small details and tasks that fall onto the bride’s shoulders. So start outsourcing! Take one of the many things on your list that you don’t have time for and put her in charge of it. Place cards for the rehearsal dinner, snacks for the wedding party, coordinating day of transportation—all are tasks that she’d surely be happy to take off of your plate and will give her a greater sense of belonging in your day. So give in to her good intentions and put her to work.
You may be annoyed when your future MIL calls to share with you her ideas for robust floral centerpieces, especially when you’ve already expressed to her your vision for more minimalistic branchy creations. However, don’t immediately shut her down. After all, she’s coming at this from a different perspective and may have thought of a few things you hadn’t considered (perhaps tall branches would make it difficult for guests to speak across the table…). Even if you don’t end up taking her words of wisdom, at least she’ll feel like she was part of the process.
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However, sometimes you need to give a hard “no” so it’s important to do so in a way that is respectful and considerate. For example, if you’ve repeatedly expressed a specific plan or desire and she refuses to acknowledge it, don’t be afraid to call her out on it and then explain your position. “I’ve noticed you don’t like the idea of a family style dinner service at the reception, however it’s what we feel will work best with the overall vibe of the wedding, so we’re moving forward with it. We appreciate you respecting our wishes.”
Stress can often lead to a snarky attitude, and you may find yourself wanting to lash out at her seemingly well-intentioned offers to help. If you feel your blood pressure rising, try to take a step back and look at the bigger picture rather than sweating every interaction or conversation you have with her about the wedding. Understand that you’re not going to be on the same page about everything, but it will be a lot easier to endure any situation if you do it with a smile on your face.
And speaking of the bigger picture…although your wedding may be the only thing on your mind at the moment, remember the purpose behind it all: you’re joining families now. You’ll be sharing birthdays, holidays, life milestones, and possibly one day she’ll be the grandmother to your kids. So it’s not worth getting into a fight about details if it will potentially ruin your future together as family. Embrace this opportunity to get to know one another better and your wedding will be even more meaningful because of it.
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